My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
