you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize