Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
