I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
