He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
