remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's blow job season.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
