the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
