i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
