Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
