He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
