and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
we're so committed to being not committed
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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