Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I don't think brook has ever known best
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
