i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You smell like stripper and shame
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
