The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize