I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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