I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
...so i touched it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
