guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
