just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
