Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Someone came in the potted fern
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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