she told me i tasted like america
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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