I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
