mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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