wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i will never coherently bang her
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
