I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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