Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
