Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
When are your genitals available?
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