he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
