remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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