About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We left the knife in your bed.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
