Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
