I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm drive I can fine osifer
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
