I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
