I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
