I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
