Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
