Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The power of my boobs compel you
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
