Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
