i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
