Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I still have a little drunk in my system
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
