bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
