The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
