I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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