Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
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