I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
