I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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