and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
