Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize