What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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