Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize