Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night

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(203): View more from Connecticut

As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions

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(541): View more from Oregon

I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?

(815): View more from Illinois

Quite the contrary. Sophistication.

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(360): View more from Washington

No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this

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(770): View more from Georgia

Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...

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(949): View more from California

it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."

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