Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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