Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
