I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I got inside last night via doggy door
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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