Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
