I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
