Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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