The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
