i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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