I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
