I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize