did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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