I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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