He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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