Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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