Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
