I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
