i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize