If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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