I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
